If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
