She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
