Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
