I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
