thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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