Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
