My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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