I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
