after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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