xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
