When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
