3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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