My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
