Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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