just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
