If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
