I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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