Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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