when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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