am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
