I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
