Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
