Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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