Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize