Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
