dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
