i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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