i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sext me about skeletons
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
