My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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