I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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