It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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