dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just cut my nipple shaving
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
