McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
