It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
