mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
