i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
