If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
