I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
