It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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