chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
