Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
