I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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