Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize