in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
