In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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