drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
