i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You have to summon your inner elephant
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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