As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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