saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to make out with him forever
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
