So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
