every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
