I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
