I seem to have left my pride at pride
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
