you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is it penis luge time yet?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
