Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Randomize
