you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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