hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
