Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
