Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm really busy with my period
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