my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
