All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think my vagina is haunted
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
