nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
