He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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