you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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