remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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