Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
