I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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