So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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