I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
