I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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